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Dispelling
the myths about OneByOne and Exodus International
By Kristin J. Tremba
In January
of this year, Presbyterian USA pastor, Rev. Ray Bagnuolo,
wrote an article called "Ex-Gay.
Ex-Loving". In his article, he made some inaccurate
statements about the ministry of OneByOne and other "ex-gay"
misnitries, which stand to be corrected.
First, OneByOne has merged with Exodus International, the
nation's largest Christian referral ministry for those who
struggle with unwanted same-sex attraction. This is not a
"huge megalithic collaboration" as Bagnuolo describes.
Our ministries are non-profits, dependent upon donations from
Christian individuals and churches. We are not "huge"
or "well-funded" at all. Over the past five years,
we have attended Love Won Out Conferences, conferences sponsored
by Focus on the Family. These one-day conferences are primarily
to help parents love their child and understand why he or
she struggles with same-sex attraction. Love, in the truest
sense of the word, is promoted at these conferences: love
that says I love you too much to condone sinful behavior.
Jesus loved the sinner, but never loved the sin. Rev. Bagnuolo
writes: "Somewhere along the way you heard these words:
"We love you but hate your sin." Nothing directed
toward people who identify as LGBT could be more disingenuous,
more filled with hubris than combining love for another with
hatred of some part of their being."
Our ministries do not hate a part of a gay-identified person's
being; we hate the sinful behavior that can destroy the person's
true being and separate him or her from God. According to
Scripture (Old and New Testaments), homosexuality is a sin
– it falls short of God's purpose and will for our lives.
God hates all sin so much that right after Adam and Eve ate
the apple he pronounced that the wages of sin was death. However,
even though God hates sin, he loves the sinner more. God loves
us so much, he sent his son, Jesus, to pay the ultimate price
for sin (death) so that we might be spared separation from
God.
What I have just written is the basic gospel message, and
this is what our "ex-gay" ministry teaches. We also
fully understand (from our own experience and other's experience)
that people do not choose to have same-sex attraction –
that same-sex attraction, in the vast majority of cases, is
an involuntary byproduct of a legitimate same-sex emotional
need that has been left unmet (for whatever reason) and therefore
has been sexualized. Healing comes when we recognize what
has contributed to these unmet emotions and needs and when
we find legitimate healthy relationships with those of the
same-sex and with God, who is our perfect parent and Heavenly
Father. [NARTH is an excellent professional, scientific,
and therapeutic organization (again, not "megalithic"
at all) that provides much research and many articles helping
the lay person to understand some of the root contributing
factors of same-sex attraction.]
The "success rate" for ministries such as ours is
not 1-2%, as Rev. Bagnuolo claims; rather it is 53%, according
to the most recent study (2007/2009) by psychologists Stanton
L. Jones of Wheaton College and Mark A. Yarhouse of Regent
University. "The men followed 61 subjects over a span
of six to seven years, recording their failures and successes
in their attempt to leave homosexuality. Experts in the field
call it the first attempt to follow subjects who are undergoing
Christian counseling over a series of years. Such a time-consuming
study is called 'longitudinal'" writes Michael Foust
of the Baptist Press (2009). The study can be read in Ex-Gays:
A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual
Orientation.
There are also numerous secular studies which show a success
rate among strongly motivated clients, despite what the APA
currently reports. In fact, "Anyone who says there is
no hope [for change] is either ignorant or a liar. Every secular
study of change has shown some success rate, and persons who
testify to substantial healings by God are legion" writes
Stanton Jones, Chair of Psychology Wheaton College, quoted
in "The Loving Opposition" Christianity Today
19 July 1993.
Finally, Rev. Bagnuolo states that ministries such as ours
merely encourage people to suppress their God-given same-sex
feelings to maintain the status-quo. He also claims that we
want to "keep the church free of LGBT folks by whatever
means." As one who has found healing from unwanted same-sex
attraction, I have found that my feelings have not been suppressed
at all, but transformed. I am not an exception, either. This
is true for thousands of people. Did it require an element
of denial or "suppression"? Yes. Jesus said that
we "must deny ourselves and take up our cross and follow
him." Jesus also taught that the more we turn from sin,
the more it no longer masters us. This is very true. I am
married now to a loving man, and I do not have to manufacture
intimacy and sexual desire for him – they are there as
a gift from God and as a result of obedience and hope that
God could do "immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine."
Do we want to bar people who struggle with same-sex attraction
or who are gay-identified from our churches? The answer is
emphatically, "no". In fact, my job as the director
of OneByOne in the Exodus Church Equipping Division is to
equip and educate churches to be safe and loving places for
gay people to come and hear the good news of the gospel. However,
this good news includes the message that we are to turn from
homosexual bahavior and ask God for healing from wounds which
contributed to our same-sex attraction. The same holds true
for anyone who is expressing their sexuality outside God's
design, which is reserved between one husband and one wife
in marriage. No one who engages in unrepentant sexual sin
(heterosexual or homosexual) should be allowed into places
of leadership and ordination in the church. Nor should we
condone same-sex marriage as a viable alternative to heterosexual
marriage. Marriage between two men or two women is not marriage
as God and the Scripture defines it.
Does my believing this make me "homophobic" as Rev.
Bagnuolo says it does? No. A homophobic person is one who
has an aversion to and or hatred of a group of people. I do
not hate gay people. Do I hate homosexual behavior? Yes. Do
I hate emotionally dependent relationships which lead to and
define much of lesbianism? Yes. Do I hate sexual, physical,
and verbal abuse, which many gay men and women have experienced
in their own lives and which has often contributed to their
same-sex attraction? Yes. Do I hate how many people who struggle
with same-sex attraction had inadequate emotional connection
with their fathers and mothers? Yes. Do I hate how pornography
(gay and straight) warps our sexual appetites and turns us
away from God? Yes. But do I hate those who identify themselves
as gay and who struggle with these things? Absolutely not.
I was one of them. I know what they feel. I know what they
want deep in their hearts, and I know only trust in and obedience
to Jesus Christ can fill this need.
Rev. Bagnuolo writes, "You know, when Jesus set his face
to Jerusalem, I am one of those who believe that he didn't
know exactly what was going to happen." Strange that
an ordained minister in our denomination should believe this
when Jesus taught his disciples explicitly what would happen
to him:
"He then began to teach them that the Son of Man must
suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests
and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and after
three days rise again. He spoke plainly about this,
and Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But when
Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter.
"Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not
have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."
Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and
said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself
and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to
save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for
me and for the gospel will save it" (Mark 8:31-35).
The Word of God, the teaching of Jesus, and the Holy Spirit
makes it clear to us that homosexuality is not God's will,
that Jesus loves those who have same-sex attraction, that
it is his will for us to turn from homosexuality to his perfect
will for our sexuality, and that Jesus by his death and resurrection
(of which he was fully aware), has made this possible for
us as we put our complete trust in Him.
Kristin Tremba is the executive director of OneByOne
Related: OneByOne web
site
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